Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
