When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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