Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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