Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
