what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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