It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
