I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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