i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
