I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
