my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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