Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
