I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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