just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
