turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
