I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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