I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
