we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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