Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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