just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Michael Bay diarrhea
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
