I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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