its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
