Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did I show you my penis last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
