this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
