dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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