you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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