he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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