Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
