He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
