she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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