So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
