Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
