problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she pinky promised me she was 18
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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