well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
