2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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