It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
