Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
