i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
