No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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