The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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