At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
