he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
