It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
