Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
