: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
