I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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