I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
