How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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