So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
