I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
