I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
