when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
