I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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