dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
