so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
