have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
