This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
